Marriage Preparation

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Marriage Preparation

Contemplating marriage?… Engaged? …Or perhaps wishing you were engaged? Taking this next and big step in a relationship requires courage and commitment. In the past twenty years, I have counseled over 1,500 couples preparing for marriage through the marriage preparation programs at several churches, and bring that expertise to my practice.

The FOCCUS & The Foundation

There are two complementary components of marriage preparation:

The FOCCUS inventory & counseling sessions
The Foundation workshop

The FOCCUS, which stands for Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding & Study, is an online inventory that you will complete prior to our meeting. Think of the FOCCUS as a conversation starter – for discussions both in session and at home.

The FOCCUS assesses the core areas that all couples should address in making the commitment to marry. Core areas include communication and problem solving – the foundational skills used to address all areas of the marriage. We also look at the “bonders” – the values that can bring a couple closer together or be the hot button points of tension in the marriage. The bonders include religion, children, in-laws, sex and money (yes, those issues we always hear couples fight about). Other issues discussed include personality and personal issues, and lifestyle issues (e.g., time, work, managing a home).

Building off the work of FOCCUS, further activities such as creating a marriage vision and developing effective communication tools are additional steps couples can take to build a solid foundation for their marriage. The goal is not to have every issue resolved prior to the wedding – differences are an inherent part of any relationship, and in fact, can provide some spice! The goal is to have those issues out on the table so that you feel good about how you will go about dealing with them throughout your marriage. This work can be done in individual sessions or through The Foundation workshop.

The Foundation workshop provides couples with the wisdom and tools to build a conscious marriage. Over the course of the day, couples will learn about the journey of marriage, craft a vision for their marriage, understand how personality differences & conflict provide opportunities for growth (and not signs to run!), learn cutting edge communication tools that take advantage of latest in brain science to promote connection, and much more.

The workshop is based on Imago Relationship Therapy, the groundbreaking work founded by Harville Hendrix in his bestseller, Getting the Love You Want, and now practiced in over 38 countries around the world. It also integrates elements of Internal Family Systems Therapy and the research of John Gottman. It’s a fun, informative, and insightful day.

The Foundation is offered as part of the marriage preparation program at St. Monica Catholic Community. All are welcome.

Why this work is critical

Two clicks on the internet and you’ll see that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Keep clicking and you’ll see many other statistics that can lead you to wonder if whether or not you stay together is a mere flip of the coin. While many of those statistics are actually quite misleading, here’s two that are accurate and underscore the importance of engaging in marriage preparation. Sadly, there is a spike in divorce rates early in marriage – in years 2-4. Why is this? Because the issues needing to be addressed now – living together as husband and wife, balancing careers and time, combining finances, dealing with in-laws, perhaps moving, changing jobs or having children – become a lived reality in those first five years of marriage. As legendary coach John Wooden said, “Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.” On the flip side, couples who engage in formal marriage preparation report 30% increase in marital satisfaction and lower divorce rates. Quite simply, it is because we’re talking about all these important issues of married life and learning effective communication tools to navigate through them. (Newly married and wishing you had seen this earlier? Don’t fret. I like to say marriage preparation goes until your fifth anniversary. These programs are excellent for you too!) For couples struggling to make the next step, couples therapy (and possible use of FOCCUS) helps to illuminate just where you are stuck. Often, it is what has remained unspoken that is keeping the relationship from moving forward.

Get Started!

The Investment A conservative estimate of the average cost of a wedding in Los Angeles in 2017 was $37,000. And this number can swell rapidly. Shouldn’t you invest at least 3% of what you’re spending on one amazing day on building for your lifetime together? A conservative estimate of the cost of divorce in Los Angeles is $30 – 40K. This goes up north of six figures if it is litigated. And this is not to mention the future costs of operating two households instead of one. If marriage preparation reduces the likelihood of divorce by 30% and increases your marital satisfaction, isn’t that a wise investment? The Plan Here’s the plan that I recommend to best prepare for your marriage. The FOCCUS inventory & four premarital counseling sessions The Foundation workshop The perfect package to make the best possible investment in your marriage! You can also use the a la carte option to take them separately. For The FOCCUS Premarital Inventory & Counseling Sessions: Contact me directly to start the process. You will be able to take the FOCCUS inventory online prior to our first meeting. Once you’ve completed the FOCCUS, we will schedule our initial meeting. We’ll start with a minimum of two meetings to get to know your story and explore a few key areas highlighted by FOCCUS. Generally, I recommend four meetings to provide us ample time to review the full results, identify your strengths, and address any unspoken areas or concerns. Other times we might decide to go beyond the four sessions to delve more deeply into specific areas. Know that this is all flexible, depending upon your particular needs. If you debating to do all four sessions or the workshop, I would recommend doing two sessions + The Foundation workshop over doing four sessions without the workshop.

For The Foundation Workshop:

Click here for more workshop information, registration, and fees

Please contact me directly via phone (310-268-7792) or e-mail (Michael@DrMichaelD.com) to discuss options that can best work for you, obtain further information, ask questions, or set up an initial consultation.

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